If My Cat Had Wings

If my cat had wings, and
paws that could open door handles -
I would send her to do the shopping
while I was at work.
She would buy more than just cat food.
And she would learn voodoo
but not misuse it.

Yes, if my cat had wings
things would be good for us.
We would eat out every night
unless we wanted to cook.

And if my cat had wings -
if my cat had wings
like the birds
and the bees
(and Always Ultra)
she would never get pregnant.
She would be too busy flying.

But if she did get pregnant -
if my cat did get pregnant
she would give birth to the clothes-pegs I need
to hang out my left-over washing.
She would give birth to
a box of matches
a length of string
a fork
something I lost four years ago
and some kittens.

Roughly half of which
would have wings.